I’ve taken a mini blogging hiatus because- the truth is- I’ve been having a hard time. There’s been quite some up’s and down’s as I’ve been looking for a job, and ‘trying to figure out my life.’ I haven’t wanted to write about it, but now I am. Everyone has said their 30’s were amazing, but 3 weeks into mine, I got laid off and had a series of failed dating experiences- so off to a good start!
Needless to say, things have not been going my way, but here’s what I have learned about myself. First, I’m more resilient than I thought (and less patient). I’m great at bouncing back after something doesn’t pan out, not great at waiting. I’d rather just know and move on to whatever opportunity is next.
I can’t see the big picture. I might think I know what is right, or what is going to happen, but I don’t. I have no clue why things happen, or don’t happen. As much as I want to figure it out or make sense of it, I can’t. I don’t have all the information. Things seem to make sense once they are in the past.
Randomly, I love my natural hair color! Yeah, not a very deep realization- I’m aware. But, I’ve been changing my hair color since I was a teen, and prior to now, didn’t really know what that natural color was. I stopped spending money on things I don’t need (okay, well, except spin classes, but I kind of need those) and fell in love with my hair as it is.
Lastly, I can use travel as an escape. Anyone that knows me, knows travel is the love of my life. It’s my passion and what I think about- a lot. It’s been hard for me to be here (New York/ unemployed in New York) and I find myself searching for something else. Being here, now, is hard, and maybe I need to feel what I’m feeling, instead of looking for an escape. No matter where I go, I will still have to walk through this time in my life.
Yes, it’s been hard, but I know that I’m not someone to lay in bed, and wish it were different. I’m someone who takes action and makes the most out of what I do have. Being a strong person does not mean that you don’t fall apart, but that you pick yourself back up when you do. I’m grateful for all the people in my life who have helped me be strong, walked me through tears, and gently reminded me that my feelings will pass.